How to deal with a child's stubbornness

How to deal with a child's stubbornness

According to child development psychology, the first 5 years of life are among the most important and influential developmental periods. At this age, the child forms the basic foundations of his personality in interaction with the people around him and especially with his parents, and it can be said that the most golden age of a child's education is the first 5 years of growth.
It is necessary to know that at this age, the child cognitively has objective thinking.
This means that he cannot understand abstract concepts and it is necessary to talk to him clearly and clearly.
If, as a parent, you can implement the correct educational alphabet from this age, your child will be fully self-regulated and responsible at an older age.
In this way, he will stay away from many behavioral problems such as stubbornness, misbehavior, other harassment, disorganization and self-centeredness.
There are many parents who think that children only need physical and physical care and they postpone paying attention to their soul and spirit to later years. So paying attention to children at this age is very important. Some children may become stubborn at this age and do not pay attention to what their parents say. Children's stubbornness often occurs at the age of 3-4 years old, in such cases, parents should adopt the correct educational method with the right and appropriate approach.
A clinical psychologist believes: Stubbornness is an undesirable behavior and reaction in which a person expresses his meaning, purpose and need in a general way, anger, anger and generally in an unhealthy, unnatural and wrong way. In children who are considered to be stubborn, this stubbornness manifests itself in the form of violence, generalizing, arguing, being aloof and using the first and last words, harming oneself and others, and cursing.

How to deal with a child's stubbornness

Stubbornness of 3-year-old children

The most important part of every person's existence, which is called “me”, appears in this period of 3 or 4 years.

If we pay attention to the words, sentences and conversations of 3-year-old children, we will see that they use my words or mine; For example, the mother wants to change the child's clothes or tie his shoes, she says “me”, she wants to feed him, she says “me”. Psychologically, he wants to say that I can do this myself and I want to make my own decision.
Sometimes impatient mothers and those who don't have enough patience may punish the child for the same stubbornness at this age, which will leave a kind of confirmation at this stage.
Children at this age enjoy messy work; For example, from playing with things that look dirty or when eating, he certainly cannot eat like an adult and he spills it on his clothes or on the floor or rubs it around his mouth and face, or when he plays with play dough or colored water, we see that he makes his surroundings very dirty. And he enjoys this work.
Another point that is important in the psychology and mental development of children at this age is that these children enjoy holding their urine and feces and do not go to the bathroom on time, and mothers get very upset about this.
In some cultures, mothers are very sensitive about this and even punish their children. Punishing them for not controlling urine and feces may be the foundation of a situation that makes a person obsessed in adulthood.
This period of childhood has special importance in terms of psychology. A 3- or 4-year-old child cannot take care of his hygiene as his mother wants, and he likes to experience many things by himself, which may not be very pleasant for others; For example, a mother asks her child to move the glass that is on the table back a little so that it does not fall from the table to the ground; But he is surprised to see that he brings the glass to the edge of the table and does this while looking into his mother's eyes! Maybe his mother thinks that her child is playing pranks on her, but this is not prank work; The child wants to see what will happen and how it will happen if the glass falls from the edge of the table, and he really likes to see the dance of the glass in space and its fall.
Consider a mother cleaning beans or rice in a tray. His 3-year-old son joins him and wants him to do the same. The mother tells him that “don't do it; The beans are spilling”; But the child deliberately takes a handful of beans and spreads them in space; Because he wants to see what happens if he spills these beans and how the seeds fall to the ground.
Therefore, children at this age do not intend to be stubborn or hurt us; In fact, they have no other way to observe, experience and discover their surroundings.

How to deal with a child's stubbornness

Reasons for children's stubbornness

  • Testing others and attracting attention
    One of the main causes of a child's stubbornness is that he only uses stubbornness as a means to test the reaction of others and to get their attention without having a judgment about stubbornness or considering it good or bad.
  • Parental pressure for proper upbringing
    If the child's parents are people who want to dominate the child's behavior, then the child will be stubborn at first, but will gradually continue this behavior as a habit until adulthood. Excessive command and prohibition to the child, especially at the age when he is trying to gain independence, creates a strong state of conflict and ultimately leads to stubbornness.
  • Not giving children a chance
    Usually, if the child's parents or caregivers do not give the child enough time to do some things and the child is at a stage in terms of growth and development that requires more attention and spending time, this makes the child angry and gradually causes stubbornness and increases it. it leads
  • Fatigue or hunger
    Usually, children become stubborn and moody after daily activities and tiredness. Late feeding of a hungry child or improper physical condition can also cause the child to be stubborn.
  • Not having the child's freedom of action and interfering in his work
    Giving children the independence of action makes them able to manage themselves and have independent wishes and dreams. Excessive interference in the child's work should be avoided because the child's age requires him to constantly run around and be active. Not forcing children to rush things, not insisting on eating, counting children and refraining from punishment, blame and aggression are some of the things that can be effective in reducing children's stubbornness.
  • Parents' neglect and unlove
    If a child is neglected, he tries to attract the attention of others through negativity and stubbornness.
  • Imitation of others and bad education
    In some cases, children learn to solve their problems by force. Acquired aspects in children cause the emergence of certain mental states that make children perform such behaviors.
  • persistent diseases
    Children who are sick often need more caress, the frequency of illness causes the child to always sigh and moan, and this becomes a habit, and it is normal that these children cry from their father even when they are not sick. and ask the mother for something.
  • The birth of a new baby
    Some children are sensitive to the presence of another child in the house and when a new child is born in the house and takes an important part of the parents' attention and support. The child does not have the language to talk about the discriminatory behavior of the parents and shows his inner complexes through stubbornness and disobedience. This shows jealousy, which is an important factor for children's stubbornness.
  • Genetic reasons
    A child may have inherited this trait from one of his parents.
How to deal with a child's stubbornness

How to deal with stubborn children

  • Listen to the child and do not argue
    If your child insists on doing something and is stubborn, don't confront him, let him say why he wants to do it and what bothers him about it.
  • Communicate with them, not force
    When the child does not achieve something, he starts to be stubborn and so to speak, he starts to do something exactly against your wishes. In these cases, you should plan friendship with the child. For example, if your child insists on watching a movie after 12 o'clock at night, don't force him to sleep, instead, go with him and watch a part of the movie, he will fall asleep on his own.
  • Give them options
    Instead of telling the child to go to sleep at 9 o'clock, give him another way, say you can go to bed at 9 o'clock or if you don't like it, you should listen to the story I tell you in bed.
  • Always keep calm
    If you get frustrated and angry with your child's stubbornness, you have done nothing to help. You should be able to stay calm in these moments and explain to him why his behavior is wrong or what you want him to do.
  • Respect them
    As we said, make friends with them and do not follow orders. Empathize with them and empathize with their feelings. At the same time, you should establish general rules for your children to adhere to. Rules that are neither too hard nor too easy (for example, cleaning things and the room after the game)
  • Work with them and negotiate
    Start doing different things with the child to show yourself with him. If he doesn't do things you want, like sleeping, you need to start negotiating. For example, why don't you sleep? Or what bothers you? After hearing his reasons, start explaining why he needs to sleep.
  • Create a loving environment at home
    This helps a lot to reduce mental stress and harmony between the child and the parents. For example, do not argue with your spouse or always play a soft song as background music at home.
  • Use the incentive system
    Reward him for good behavior and remove the reward for bad behavior. Encouraging children helps to develop their self-confidence. It also encourages them to continue working towards their goals and maintain a positive attitude.
  • Do not force the child to rush
    When you put pressure on your child, he will not be able to handle the situation and eventually he will try to fight you with unity.
  • Distract the child
    When the child is stubborn, prevent the unpleasant situation from continuing by redirecting his attention.
  • Be a good example yourself
    Do not be stubborn so that your child does not learn to be stubborn. Always act rationally and prudently in life; In this way, your child learns how to behave in the face of anger or unwanted situations.
  • Do not get angry when dealing with children's stubbornness
    In such cases, keep calm so that you can make the right decision.
  • Listen to what they want
    If your child does not want to do something, ask them why; It can be a major reason. For example, if they refuse to go to school every morning, it may be because they are being bullied or because the teacher doesn't care much about them.
  • Give your child the right to choose
    Allowing children to make choices in small matters will help them make better decisions later in life and in bigger matters. You can start with things like bedtime or school clothes.
  • Get professional advice
    If none of these methods affect the child, and there is no other method to change the child's behavior, consult a family specialist. As you can see, all these nine methods are very simple and practical, but you must know the trick of using them Be.
    Children learn the right behavior when they know what you expect from them; So if they are constantly in doubt about what they are going to do, they will get anxious and make mistakes, and remember, there is nothing wrong with seeking advice from an expert when the going gets tough.

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